Miscarriage is part of our journey. Miscarriage is part of many couple’s journeys. It is a silent grief—a hidden grief. For miscarriages leave no traces of outward scars for the world to see. Instead, they leave a gaping cut deep into the core of a mother—a cut so deep that the only healing balm to this pain is time and music—both ordinary gifts from our good God.
After my first miscarriage, I cried, but I knew we could try again.
After my second miscarriage, I grieved. This one happened so quickly, though, I barely knew I was pregnant.
After the third miscarriage, I could no longer be strong. I broke. My spirit broke. My hope in God broke. I felt completely and hopelessly tired. Burdened. Weary.
Music Gave Voice to My Grief During my Miscarriage
Yet music gave voice to the words I could not speak. My heart could sing to the Lord the words my mouth could not utter. As Victor Hugo stated, “Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.”
My friends told me I needed to grieve, but I realized that in my blessed life, I had never faced deep loss—I didn’t know how to grieve.
Music became my balm as I drove to work, took long walks, wept in the shower, and sat in the airport. I found that Hans Christian was right: “Where words fail, music speaks.”
It was not just music that healed my wound but also time. God is outside of time yet in His love for His people He stepped into time as the God-man Jesus Christ and experienced our deep sufferings. As time progressed, Jesus was the sweet balm to my soul, speaking through the music that gave voice to my grief. For Jesus understood my pain and chose to sit with me in it and allow me to sing to Him a sad song—and He listened, without hurrying me. He didn’t say my grief was insignificant. He didn’t tell me to buck up and get on with life. No—He allowed me to grieve and He grieved with me.
I have listed the songs that were not only my comfort in my darkest moments of grief but also in my hardest moments of pregnancy. These songs allowed me to worship God even in my pain. They allowed me to yell at Him and express my questions, fears, doubts, and sadness—all while facing Him.
Can A Christian Yell at God?
We learn in Job that questioning and even expressing loud accusations at God are not in and of themselves wrong—for Job did just that. Job did not sin by doing this, for if he did, God would be made out to be a liar. No, Job would only have sinned if he yelled at God and then turned his back on his reator.
So I followed in Job’s footsteps and grieved with and at God—but I never turned away from Him. And I can say with confidence that He brought my through the valley and is with me today. He is not with me today, though, because I finally got pregnant. He is with me today because He is with me today. You see, belief in God is not about what He gives His people. It is about His presence with His people. And He has been with me through it all.
I hope these songs allow your soul to speak when it otherwise would be silenced. No matter the reason for your pain and grief, our God cares and is with us—even, and maybe especially, in the music that speaks to our innermost being.
Songs for the Grieving
“Even When It Hurts” by Hillsong
“You’re Gonna Be Okay” by Brian and Jenn Johnson
“Thy Will” by Hillary Scott & The Scott Family
“Defender” by Francesca Battistelli and Steffany Gretzinger